Deliberate Escape

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the road is long

The days are long but the years are short. Isn’t that how it feels sometimes?

It seems like the road ahead is so long, actually, no end in sight. Most of us are having a hard time navigating the process because there is no process. Covid-19 is all-encompassing. It’s encompassing our day-thoughts and our night-dreams. At least we have a road to travel, albeit ambiguous to say the least.

This week I received some very sad news from my brother. He received a call from the mother of my childhood friend. Her daughter died suddenly. It was shocking news. We drifted apart over the years, but she was still dear to my heart. It’s those childhood memories that seem to ignite much joy. Maybe it’s because being young was a wonderful time in our lives. Now, years later, there is no opportunity to reconnect and rekindle those memories I share with L. There are pictures to view to trigger days of running and playing endlessly. That is what I remember most, endless days of play.



I’m sure we are all longing to be in that sort of space and time- carefree and young without a worry in the world.



But that is no longer possible. We’re all grown up and even my kids are all grown up. How could so many years be part of my past? The days seem long but the years go so, so fast!

I spoke to L’s mother. She is amazing. She reminded me that L is not just at peace but in peace. How can that be? How can a mother of 86 say that of her 54-year-old daughter? Because she knows a lot more about life than I do. She’s walked down this long road a lot longer than I have and knows that life is for the living but, there’s something even greater on the other side. She told me something I’ve heard all my life, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. She’s handling it, somehow, and the only way this could be is by her faith. There can’t be any other explanation. It’s been only three weeks since she lost her only daughter and she’s comforting me! That is an example of faith. It provides comfort in one’s time of need.

It can be hard not to get lost in a melancholy kind of mood these days. I know I sometimes allow myself in that mindset, especially with music blaring in my ears as I tune out the world and think deep thoughts. There seems to be such uncertainty looming about, nothing is concrete. It’s like the future is on hold.

So what can we do? I could easily escape to a gray place, I won’t say dark, because that’s not who I am, but I can get into a gray-funk. Thankfully, people like my sister-in-law, T, quickly remind me to not go there, but at times, it is easier to settle into that tendency. I need to fight my way through it and look at the brighter side of social distancing caused by Covid-19.

Many are using this time to regroup and reorganize their home. I don’t disagree, but it also is okay to take time to pause and think about connecting with those lost in our past. I’m going to try to make an effort to reconnect with people that come to the surface of my mind. I don’t want another L to slip away without me making a connection.

The ability to connect is real and powerful. It’s a dynamic process that catapults us into the future as we remember the past. I love to think about the past but I remain hopeful for the future. I’m not just speaking of the near future but the distant future. The future that is down that long road that will be here rather quickly. I will remain hopefully of beautiful things to come, one day soon.




I am going to try to be better at staying in touch with those that aren’t in my immediate circle.

I hope you do the same. I would love to hear from you, very much.