I've spent the last three weeks under the same roof as my folks. My dad is an aging 87-year-old, and my mom is a forever-young 84-year-old. It's been an interesting few weeks, getting to see their interaction and hopefully learning what elements I need to apply to my own life and ones to avoid!
No doubt, getting old comes with plenty of challenges. I am eye-witness number one to many. Of course, they are not new to me, but living in close quarters either exaggerates them or, perhaps the better word, exacerbates them. None of us are who we were at one point in our lives; we all are forever changing, but getting a large dose of reality sure puts your life in a whole new perspective.
My father was the ardent provider. That was his primary role and the one he held closest to him. Whether he had something to prove or not is up for debate, but I think being the youngest of seven, leaving his home and home country of Norway, and heading off to the great unknown placed a lot of pressure on him to succeed. He did succeed in many ways. He had a successful career as a builder, and if you are to meet him, he will boast loudly and proudly. Perhaps, what he was most proud of is also the one thing that prevents him from seeing other areas in his life that might need a little attention.
The caregiver was and is my mother. She carries that role with what can only be described as divine intervention. Very few, if any, can distribute large quantities of grace when kindness seems unnatural. If there is the slightest degree of anger, it quickly dissipates and is replaced with an openness to forgive and move forward with not a hint of animosity or disappointment. What is said is said, laid bare, and then you move on. She has cared for us into adulthood and is now the primary caregiver in her home of two.
The provider and the caregiver- together in their commitment and bond of marriage, at times trailblazing through life and other times treading through deep water. The two are very different, but they have created something rather rare. They have endured, sacrificed, and continue living in love's arms.
*You might be wondering why I would choose the picture above? To me, the old, old milestone represents labor or work- as in the Provider. The lyng or heather and mug represents beauty and life and giving as in the Caregiver.
